December 2013

y’know. A lot has changed since last year. I don’t know why I’ve been thinking about it recently but it’s been on my mind. I feel like I’ve made a lot of progress with being happier with myself in some ways, in other ways I feel like I’ve regressed even further which doesn’t really make much sense but here we are. I’ve stopped wondering about what would happen if I died, how I assumed no one would miss me and they’d all just easily move on. I know around this time last year I stopped berating myself for being “ugly” and “awkward looking” I mean I guess I still think that sometimes but bad days are just bad days. I’ve also gotten a lot less shy over the past couple years, which is an accomplishment to me because I’ve been so shy my entire life. I am, however, still pretty incapable of normal social interactions. Probably due to the fact I hate eye contact and small talk, both of which seem to be necessary to ~broaden your horizons~ bleh. I’m also not as judgmental as I used to be. And even then I wasn’t like, overtly judgmental I usually kept it to myself. I do still suck at not dwelling on the past, and getting annoyed at little things that I should really just overlook. I think too much about people who really don’t actually matter to me anymore and don’t care about me either. I think too much in general though.

I’m getting there I guess. Wherever “there” is.

     Two weekends ago I got the opportunity to participate in a 5K called Color Me Rad, that took place throughout a course set up in Kings Dominion. The Color Me Rad 5K raises money for the Special Olympics, so I say it's well worth getting pelted with colored corn starch and sprayed with cold, colored water.
       Although I was expecting much more when I got to the race, it was still a lot of fun. There were three checkpoints of "color bombing" and the last one was the finish line where you were bombed the most with color. After the races they have "color throws" where everyone gathers in front of the stage and they throw little bags of colored corn starch and at the count of three you open them up and throw the powder up in the air. It's almost impossible to breathe afterwards but you come out looking cool, plastered in color.